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About Susan

Sunday, September 19, 2010

一枝紅杏出牆來 The apricot blossom peeps above the wall


春色滿圓關不住 Spring in the garden cannot be contained
一枝紅杏出牆來 The pink apricot blossom peeps above the wall

How do you show the world that your confined spirit is waiting to burst free, that all the love you could ever give in your heart is trapped with nowhere to go? I can feel it, but bringing these conflicting feelings is a neverending quest.

There's shyness - don't we all feel a little shy when we dream of romance? Afraid to admit even to oneself these special secrets within one's heart? There's the sweet hint of hope, and then pull to give into more violent emotions when we realize that reality prevents us from having what, in our deepest of hearts, we want.

The photo is out with my name and I go onstage in a week. Can I do it? I am constantly reliving this jumble of emotions until I can feel my heart fluttering like a bird and I think, yes, I can dance this, and I will let everyone feel the enormity of a woman's trapped spirit.

But when I work in the studio, I'm never satisfied with what comes out. I rehearse again today, and I will do everything I can to bring more of what I need to express, through my body, and into the realm of what others can see and feel. And then I'll have to remember those physical sensations, and build on it. I almost feel like I must do this on behalf of all women in the world who have ever felt this way.
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