About Susan

Thursday, November 19, 2009

... when I'm awfully low

There are days when I feel really low. Everybody has those days. You just don't want to get out of bed because there's trouble at work, and on top of that I find no peace in my heart. But I should be happy that I am alive and otherwise have no complaint, and when I change into my practice clothes and go into the comforting feeling of warming up, it doesn't matter if my muscles complain because the weather's getting colder. Before I know it, I'm smiling again, dancing. It gives me something else to concentrate on, to strive for.

Even though my troubles inevitably come back to me afterwards, I can't imagine how I would feel if I hadn't danced. Some days, I fear I might just implode. Thank goodness I have a body that, so far, functions well (knock on wood). I hope I'll always be able to stretch my limbs and bring myself that much closer to happiness.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Seeing onself from the outside

Sometimes I receive photos of myself in performance, and although I know it's me, I think: "Really? I look like that?" It's true that we don't see ourselves most of the time, and even if I have the opportunity, I don't really look at myself with all that much consideration. It's a bit like hearing one's own voice - it's startling, and it causes me much embarrassment. In the dance pictured here, I'm supposed to look serious and intent, but somehow I look rather oddly manic.

It just occurred to me that I tend to spend more time observing myself from the inside - mentally, emotionally - rather than from the outside. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm tidy, I can go out and face the world!