一枝紅杏出牆來 The apricot blossom peeps above the wall

春色滿圓關不住 Spring in the garden cannot be contained

一枝紅杏出牆來 The pink apricot blossom peeps above the wall

How do you show the world that your confined spirit is waiting to burst free, that all the love you could ever give in your heart is trapped with nowhere to go? I can feel it, but bringing these conflicting feelings is a neverending quest.

There's shyness - don't we all feel a little shy when we dream of romance? Afraid to admit even to oneself these special secrets within one's heart? There's the sweet hint of hope, and then pull to give into more violent emotions when we realize that reality prevents us from having what, in our deepest of hearts, we want.

The photo is out with my name and I go onstage in a week. Can I do it? I am constantly reliving this jumble of emotions until I can feel my heart fluttering like a bird and I think, yes, I can dance this, and I will let everyone feel the enormity of a woman's trapped spirit.

But when I work in the studio, I'm never satisfied with what comes out. I rehearse again today, and I will do everything I can to bring more of what I need to express, through my body, and into the realm of what others can see and feel. And then I'll have to remember those physical sensations, and build on it. I almost feel like I must do this on behalf of all women in the world who have ever felt this way.

Summer!

Another season, new dances! I'm rehearsing a Dai dance, but unlike the peacock portrayal, I am to be a "flower daughter". The movements are traditionally Dai, with a very Southeast Asian flavor - the region of the Dai people borders Cambodia and Vietnam - but the music becomes a bit modern in the middle of the piece.

I like to call it "The Guitar Hero" section; a melody normally played by a traditional reed instrument is replaced by rockin' electric guitar.  Can you imagine it: Lovely Dai girls frolicking amongst flowers to the strains of a rock anthem.  We have truly arrived in the 21st century, folks!

My neck is still rather stiff from my last injury, so I have to be careful when rehearsing - the Dai style is famous for its arched back, sudden neck bends backward, and is otherwise characterized by what's called the "3 curves" silhouette.  It's a beautiful look, for which I feel my physical shortcomings all the more sharply, but there's naught but to practice!

Back in Action!

I danced my first performances since my injury! They went pretty well, I think, and I'm very happy. It was so exhilarating to go through the process of warming up, rehearsing, getting nervous, and then feeling wonderful onstage. I don't have any photos yet, so here's a random one for the time being - this one aims to show the joys of nightlife in San Francisco.

Easing into Spring

I've been trying to ease back into dancing, but I do have performances coming up very soon so I've had to get back into rehearsing a little more quickly. I only hope things go well and that I don't exacerbate my condition. I'm most afraid of an injury becoming an "old injury", where it never actually heals and nags you for the rest of your life. I think perhaps I could become one of those proverbial old guys who sit on the verandah and say, "Storm's a-comin', my knee's actin' up" and all that. On second thought, no, I don't want to be one of those guys!

In the meantime ... photo shoots! Even though it doesn't feel like late spring here in the SF Bay Area, there have been some sparkling, beautiful days.

Truth be told, I cannot wait until I'm dancing again.  It's difficult to ease back into anything.  I want to give everything when I'm in the studio, so that I can give even more when I'm onstage.  It's worth it.

Time to Reflect

I had significant injury to my neck and shoulders recently and had to sit out on some performances I'd worked very hard for. To say it was extremely disappointing is an understatement, but I am also learning some good lessons:

1) Try not to think too much. Some things don't require so much worrying.

2) Realize that your mind may be ambitious, but your body needs rest. Listen to it, or it will make it impossible for you to do anything at all!

3) Never take for granted what it feels like to be able to move freely, and without significant pain.

I am so grateful to those who have given me support these past weeks. Your encouragement means so much. Thank you!

Happy Tiger Year and Valentine's Day

Apologies for my belated greetings; my schedule has been full! I've even had to unfortunately turn down an event or two because there was just too much going on. I feel a stab of pain every time I cannot commit to dancing, but it's even more important to balance life and energy.  I'd rather dance fewer shows than too many with subpar performance.

Thus far I've danced at mostly corporate events, but the community events give me a wonderful sense of involvement. When children and even their grandmothers come to take photos with me and give me a kind word, I know that everything is worth it.  Most exciting, I'm rehearsing new dances and - I admit it - I always feel that sweet rush of excitement that comes with new costumes.

Valentine's Day almost seemed to slip by as the Lunar New Year fell on the same day this year. I hope you had a happy day, whether you were spending time with family, being with your special someone, working ... Here's to a happy and successful year of the Tiger!

Holiday Cheer (and All That Jazz)

I love the holidays! Now that the excitement of Christmas morning is now a fond yet still palpable memory, we have the New Year to look forward to. Thank you, dear friends, for all your support throughout 2009. Let's welcome 2010 with open arms and work hard towards our dreams!

(About the photo: I miss those New York City days when I danced theater jazz. There's not much work that calls for Fosse style dancing around here. That detached, slinky, and utter cool that is Fosse embodies my brief NYC experience. And, gotta love the the signature bowler hat! Although, my finger placement could be better.)